The person who coined this word gave up hope with this behavior of the child. I think a child starts to put life on hold when he learns to behave and understand how we operate in the adult world. But before the child turns 6 years old, there are many challenges for him. The Worst ‘Foursome Foursomes’ – This is a term I coined to describe the toddler years. Before I start tackling the first stage, let me briefly tell you what exactly makes this age so scary.
First of all, a four-year-old question is old enough for authority but the child is not smart enough to understand it.
This age is the age when the child feels that he can do anything and everything. Which involves testing the limits all the time.
It turns into a conflict between the child who questions the upbringing and thoughts and viewpoints of the fellow children and other parents.
Emotions like anger, despair, and hopelessness come a lot at this age and these things often occupy the mind. Those kids are a walking complaint box.
What is even more surprising with children of this age is that they have the understanding to differentiate between right and wrong but still they choose wrong. As if they know that shouting is a bad habit but still they keep doing it. Such behavior in which the child shouts or talks back is a very bad habit.
It can be a little difficult or even impossible to handle a child with this mentality, but my experience has taught me that there is a lot we can do to combat this behavior. At the age of 4, your patience and willpower will be constantly tested. You have to be patient. I have learned that processing negative statements with negativity is useless. Two negatives make a situation worse. And simply approaching the process positively may fail to address children’s feelings.
Now we have two options
1. Ignoring and Distracting
This is a very effective and helpful remedy. Most parents forget the power of distraction by the time the child turns four years old, I myself misunderstood this for a 2-year-old child. When the child says, Mom, you are mean, instead of getting angry or reacting to this, respond by ignoring it and engaging in conversation. Ask your child what his favorite story was when he was 2 years old, or how cute his blanket or toy was that he took with him everywhere. This thought will remind him of a pleasant memory and reduce negative emotions. Or will forget it. You have to inculcate this technique in your child. Also, children like to listen to the story of their childhood, you must tell it to them.
2. When children go through a difficult situation and have trouble dealing with complex emotions, they do bad and wrong things. However, you should know how to restrain emotions with your child. You should not lose your temper, help the child or ask the caregiver whenever he or she needs help, and also consider the following things:
- Child: You are mean
- Caregiver: You are upset with me. Please tell me how I troubled you? Allow me to correct this.
- Child: Mummy, mummy, mummy (shouting and interrupting the conversation)
- Mother: You want me to talk with you, right? Let me finish then we will have a long conversation
- Child: I hate him.
- Caregiver: Ohhh you are angry right now. He must have done something to hurt you so much
- Child: You always keep telling me how to do my work.
- Caregiver: I know you want to try things yourself, but I’m worried that you might get hurt or do something bad. let me know so i can help you
- Child: It’s too hard, I can’t do it
- Caregiver: I know it’s hard and how much you want to do it. Maybe with a little more practice you’ll learn it. I had a lot of time to do it. And I tried hard.
Like adults, children also want to prove themselves for their self-esteem, so they yell, insist, and feel the need to prove themselves, which often leads to conflict, behavior, and disobedience.
Both of these approaches require practice and patience. And it is very natural to lose your peace in the daily chaos of parenting. Don’t worry if you can’t follow it through every single time. But by following these steps, both I and my child have definitely become calmer. Have sympathy and good behavior towards each other. So now, I am not the only one who is practicing with this approach, my child is also practicing with me. And this thing makes me happy and positive from the inside.